Demons and Declarations

I have always had a hard time keeping a journal, but I think they're wonderful. There is nothing like a perfectly blank page, waiting to be filled with something profound and thought-provoking, something endlessly amusing, something painfully honest. Imagine words like individually vibrant threads woven together into the stunningly eloquent fabric of sentences. The potential of uniqueness that exists in that nothingness, waiting to become something...

But that's just it. It's potential. It remains a blank page, empty and simply waiting. The fear of smothering that potential with a mistake is what keeps the pen from ever touching the still flawless surface. The fear of taking such a risk produces another lonely, forlorn journal.

Ooh, a metaphor for life without even trying.

HowEVER, writing about this fear of writing has given me journal/blog material.

So today was just another day somewhat wasted. Waking up late caused me to be late to work, so naturally, I passed out compliments like candy. Co-workers do love candy. (I was being honest though, sarcasm aside; they are a lovely bunch. And I love giving it away just as much.) But there are sharp whispers I hear about this black list: the human resources department and their ax of unemployment has fallen with devastating swiftness and frequency. I heard sighs of relief all around the office as they found themselves still able to log in to their computer accounts, just for a day longer. But incompetency and obsoleteness can be found dotted all around the hospital outside of our little world of Purchasing/Shipping & Receiving. The blood of the young lamb on our door keeps them away. Demon be gone.

The rest of it was cooking and vegging at my desk, thinking of what I want to do for this blog. Such a wasted day. I could have cleaned my room or the kitchen, I could have learned another song on the piano, I could have returned my library books, I could have invented something, or just bothered to put socks on so my feet wouldn't be blocks of ice and numbed pain now. I swear, today will be the last of this laziness. This winter break has done more harm than good!

Ah, returning to school. So, I guess this gives a little intro as to talking about myself-- at least, I'll make it that way.

My name is Jenn, eighteen, happily a freshman at U.C. Berkeley and passionately in love with life, mostly. I woke up one day and realized that I would be better off as an optimist, and I've been one ever since. I cherish friendships and love to help people, to listen to people, to give advice or a cup of tea. Some (most) say I have a mother/savior complex, but I find joy in it. I believe in the simplicity of life and choices but understand that simplicity has no direct correlation with ease and comfort. I have a troubled mind and a tumultuous home life, but that doesn't mean the home lacks love and my thoughts are void of light. I respect, care for and love my mother, father and sister tremendously.

I am a student.
I am a reader.
I am a helper.
I am a dancer.
I am a writer.
I am a music lover.
I am a sister.
I am a daughter.
I am a friend.
I am an explorer.
I am a lover.
I am a leader.
I am a healer.
I am a person of faith.
I am a dreamer.

This is what is known as a diamond ring. Beautiful isn't it? Rarer and more brilliant than anything merely material.

That's me, with more to come and more to discover.


With sincerity and a hint of sarcasm,

Jenn